Toxic Friendships

My Blog is all about spreading love and kindness to ensure that you smile a little more than you did the day before. But sometimes the source of your smile lies in the hands of those you choose to surround yourself with. Hopefully, after reading this post you will learn to appreciate some of the friendships you have built, and most importantly some of you will learn that sometimes it is just not meant to be.

What is a Toxic Friendship?

"A good friend having a bad day might snap at you or seem distant, but they’ll likely apologize once things settle down. Toxic friends, on the other hand, tend to follow a pattern that never really dies down. They won’t show much regret or inclination to change, even when they realize they made you feel bad" - healthline.com

How do you know if you are in a Toxic Friendship?

As much as friendship is not necessarily a transaction where both parties benefit, it should not feel like a chore. You will notice that you had to work extra shifts to secure some of your friendships, but fortunately, at times it comes a bit more naturally. If you feel like your friends only 'need' you for certain things, then chances are you are trapped in an unhealthy friendship - you might be the 'friend' that only gets a call when someone needs bailing out.

It is normal to have friends for different occasions - you could be the "I need your advice" friend, "help me pick out a dress" friend, "I need help with this assignment" friend, and as long as it does not feel like you are being used or underappreciated, then there is nothing wrong. I challenge you to think of 5 of your closest friends, what do you love about them? Do they share similar traits? Probably not!! Even though you and your friend Samantha frequently bond over homework, as long as there is mutual respect and care, you are NOT in a Toxic Friendship - helping each other with assignments might be your 'thing'.

A Toxic Friend will only approach you for a certain thing (e.g. money), and as soon as you have fulfilled their request, they will be gone and will only resurface to lodge another complaint. Toxic Friends are normally inconsiderate, and they do not have your best interests at heart. At times it is not as clear as day, but how you feel when you are around these 'friends' will never betray you. Toxic friends are normally self-centered and unavailable, especially when you are at your lowest. Toxic friends will try to change you, they will dabble and play around with your insecurities.

Solution

As much as I am tempted to say WALK AWAY, the first step is communication, because sometimes your friends genuinely do not know that you do not like certain things until you voice them out. By default, a lot of people react to sticky situations by walking out, but the truth is, problems always have a way of multiplying and landing right back on your doorstep. Do not blame yourself for your friend's behavior, and do not sugar coat and overlook their toxicity. Set boundaries and be explicit in your approach.

What does True Friendship look like?

It is impossible to always be happy in any kind of a relationship (including friendships), but if you feel drained most of the time, there is no hope in holding on to slippery branches. Every friendship is unique, what works for others might not work for you. Get to know your friends individually, make an effort so that when you decide to leave it all behind, you will know that you tried your best.

It does not matter if you love caring for others more than yourself, that you do not mind that you are the "I need money" friend, you deserve to be surrounded by friends who share your vision, friends who support your wildest dreams, and friends who would drop everything just to shower you with hugs of comfort when you are as low as the ground.

Toxic friendships have a way of draining you, leaving you empty and anxious. But the best thing is that YOU have the power to decide who gets to be in your life. Now, after having read all of that, Do YOU think that you might be in a Toxic Friendship? If so, what do YOU intend to do about it? Whatever you decide, Remember that a True Friend should be the bearer of your SMILE.

"True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable." - David Tyson