The Truth about Relationships

Do not worry, this is not a post designed to bash relationships. I am a firm believer in love, so I am writing this to share a thing or two I have learnt about Romantic Relationships over the years. I am no expert but I will just preach my truth. You might not relate to this but hopefully, this will help you feel a bit better about relationships.

Some of you have been hurt before – so you are committed to building the strongest wall around your heart, installing the tiniest door, locking it, and throwing away the keys to some remote island. Some of you have really hurt people who have tried to get closer to your heart. Some of you are looking for serious relationships, but you keep meeting people who just want to have fun, and “see where this is going” or “let us not put a label on it”. Some of you are in serious relationships, and you are either having the time of your life, or you feel like the person you are with is a waste of your time. Others cannot stand the sight of being with the same person FOREVER. While others are still waiting for someone, anyone, to ask them out… Look, I can attempt to list every possible scenario but I am sure you know where this is going.

This very broad topic, The Truth about Relationships, specifically refers to Romantic Relationships. I do hope to bring to light a few things we all forget when we think about committing to relationships. I am not trying to convince you to get into a relationship, but hopefully, after reading this, you will realize that as hard as they are to build and maintain, relationships can be beautiful. This post is also designed to help those of you who might be in toxic relationships to gain the courage to leave.

The Truth about Relationships:

It takes work – Love alone is not enough. Love is a very complicated concept, and just like the term ‘success’, it is hard to define. What is success? To you, it might be making money and being able to go do your groceries at any time of the month. For someone else, success might be helping others. My point is, it does not matter how much you love someone, because just like every other emotional expression, love can be manipulated, you can choose to stop expressing it. So, for a relationship to blossom, you need to make an effort, an effort to make things work, an effort to compromise, an effort to communicate. Relationships are like crafts, they require a lot of attention and dedication – but when you are in a relationship, it shouldn’t feel like you are working at all. You will meet a thousand people who you could potentially fall in love with, but you will not feel like putting in an effort with every single person. When you feel the urge to want things to work out, and are actually willing to put in the effort, then you have found yourself a muse.

Do not compare – Every Relationship is unique. You cannot expect your relationship to be similar to that of a couple you saw on Instagram in Bali or Jack and Rose from the movie Titanic. Relationships are not picture-perfect, it is not all sunshine and roses, some days are darker than usual, but most days should be steadier than a sailboat in the harsh Mediterranean Sea. People shy away from talking about the hardships they encounter in their relationships; they are either too embarrassed or fear judgement from others. The next time you see a cute couple on Instagram, do not be so quick to judge – yes, they might look perfect, but it is very likely that some days they fight and despise one another, and that is okay because we are all human. What do you want to see? Should couples document their fights? Would you be entertained then? No relationship is perfect, so let us stop striving for perfection, but rather for happiness.

Look after your happiness – Take care of your SMILE. Do not waste your time holding on to something that no longer makes you happy. You can hope for a better future all you want, but if something failed to make you smile this year, what makes you think that it will make you smile in the next 3 years? In reality, you will not be happy every single second in your relationship, but you should be happy most times to know that it is working. Some people stay in relationships just because they have “come too far to give up now”, others stay because they are afraid to leave and start over. The only reason you should stay in a relationship with someone is because you love them; or to those who just started – because you see the potential for true love and happiness.

Communication is key – Do not be afraid to Talk! Things can easily go south when you do not communicate. When you choose to act unbothered by an action that really irritated you, you let your feelings accumulate, and then one day you explode. Sometimes things might not be as obvious to your partner as you think – they might not see anything wrong with neatly putting away their shoes, so instead of plotting a revenge scheme in your head like the witch from Snow White, speak out, make your feelings clear! Relationships are a team effort – in order for a relationship to work, you and your significant other should BOTH be willing to put in the work. No matter how much effort and time you are willing to invest in your relationship, this will go to waste if your partner is not on the same page. It is very important to be in a relationship with someone who shares the same interests as you, someone with the same intentions.

You will be tested – You will be really annoyed at times (not in a cute Disney way). Relationships can be beautiful, you will find yourself missing and thinking about this one human being, and you will smile like a creep. You will feel your heart rise to your chin when you see this one human being you never thought you would fall for, your heart will cease to beat when you hear their name. But unfortunately, sometimes this one human being will be the source of your headache, you will be annoyed, you will be very annoyed. What I am saying is, no matter how happy you are, you will have your first big fight, you will be unable to react accordingly, you will say hurtful things, you will be pushed beyond your limits, and you will sometimes feel the distance no matter how close to them you are. But it is normal to have disagreements, it is normal to feel annoyed because someone decided to text you 3 minutes later. It is up to you to allow love to win in situations where you both lack the will to keep going. Life has a funny way of distracting you when you are feeling blue; You will meet so many other people who are 200 times better than the person you are in a relationship with. It is up to you to stay loyal even when there seems to be no light, because when you find love, a lot more obstacles will come your way – and these obstacles will come knocking wearing a Superman costume.

Do not lose yourself – remember to be Yourself. Some people are guilty of loving with every ounce of their being, giving out their full undivided attention when in a relationship – There is nothing wrong with being a passionate individual, but do not lose yourself in the process. When you forget to be an individual in a relationship, it hurts more when you break up with your partner. You feel as if you have to learn to walk again, you feel like you are suffocating, you feel as though you NEED that person, and that you are not able to live without them. That is not a lovely sight, heartbreaks are supposed to hurt, but that does not mean you should lose your will to live. You were fine before you met this person, and you will definitely be fine without them. It is possible to love someone else and yourself at the same time, do not forget to give yourself some attention and do not forget to spend time with yourself. People often forget that even though relationships are about two people coming together, they are not about losing your individuality; because even in a team, being an individual first makes the team more successful.

It is a gamble – Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Relationships are a gamble – when you get into a relationship, you do not know if it is going to work out, or if it will just last for a week. Maybe you will meet your soulmate, or maybe you will meet yet another person who will add to the undeserved painful lessons you had to learn throughout the course of your life. But the uncertainty of relationships should not scare or discourage you, because we have hope and love to hold on to.

Do not be afraid to leave. Sometimes it is really not meant to be, the most selfish thing anyone could ever do in a relationship is to stay when they have fallen out of love – It will be difficult for you to break things off with someone you care for, someone who was engraved into your comfort zone. But when the race is over, it is over. Never compromise your happiness, whether you have been in a relationship for 1 minute, 2 days, 3 months, or 9 years – when you are not happy for the most part of your journey, pack up and LEAVE!! I know you are probably tired of hearing the statement “follow your heart”, but at all times, it is true. Your heart will never lie to you when you are lying in bed deep into the night with nothing but your conscience. Your heart speaks, it plays out all the events of that day, and when you think about a moment that brought you grave sadness you frown, then you know exactly what to do next.

Side Note: There is nothing wrong with having high standards, just make sure that the standards are at least a bit realistic. If you are currently complaining about being single – Be open to hearing people out, you might be surprised at what is actually your “type”. Give people a chance, or you will wait 100 more years for Michael B. Jordan to ask you out.

Do not forget to include God in your relationship, pray and be hopeful, the journey will feel so much lighter. Remember to respect other relationships like you would want yours to be respected. I know that I did not cover everything, so if you have questions related to this or something else, do not hesitate to contact me personally.

I hope you really enjoyed reading this piece. I have probably convinced some of you to give relationships a try, maybe I encouraged some of you to walk out of toxic relationships, but the take-home message is: Relationships are not perfect, but they should at least elevate your happiness and encourage you to embrace your individuality. Remember to SMILE.

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller